Tag Archives: Val J. Chapman

April Fool’s Day : Spaghetti Tree by Val J. Chapman

 

April Fool’s Day : Spaghetti Tree

 

“Can I have some money, Mum?”

My young son said to me.

“What for?” I asked,

“And how much do you want?”

He replied, “Only 50p”

 

“It’s a surprise”, he said,

“So I can’t tell you,

But I know you’ll like it

‘Cause I saw it on TV”.

 

“Go on then, if that’s all you want”,

I said, offering the required amount.

And off he skipped to the local shop

In search of a spaghetti tree.

(I knew that, ‘cause I’d seen it too)

 

And I knew what would happen next.

My son just loved spaghetti,

And until now hadn’t known it was

Manufactured, not grown, or sown.

 

I waited patiently for his return,

Preparing myself for tears.

I pictured his face when he found out the truth,

Though it didn’t transpire as I’d feared.

 

He ran in the door with a box in his hand

Which rattled as he ran.

Turned out the shopkeeper knew of the scam

And had stuck labels on all his packets.

“Plant it in a pot and water it weekly”, he’d said,

And you’ll soon see you have a spaghetti tree”.

 

 

© Val J. Chapman 1st April 2021

When Father Papered the Parlour, Val J Chapman

 

When Father Papered the Parlour

 

I never was too good at DIY,

Though I was pretty good at saying it,

DIY, but why?

 

So when it came to papering my lounge,

I had a bet; that I could make a go of it,

And believed I could, and yet,

I found the task quite daunting;

The walls weren’t straight, for one,

So it really was a challenge just to get the paper on.

 

And not just that, the pattern match was difficult as well;

The bluebells ended up in the trees

And the branches all had grass instead of leaves.

 

Oh well! Next time I’ll just paper the windows;

I’ll have a lovely outlook then.

 

 

© Val J Chapman 4th March 2021

 

DIY Disasters and Triumphs (but mainly disasters!) Right, said Fred, Val J Chapman

 

DIY Disasters and Triumphs (but mainly disasters!)

Right, said Fred

There they were, with brews and fags.

Yorkshire Tea? Dunno, couldn’t see the bags.

But there they sat, having a brew.

Dunno when they were going to do

Anything.

 

Oh, there they go, digging a hole,

A hole in the ground, it’s big and sort of round,

And yet, why was that?

It wasn’t obvious to me,

And the next time I looked, they were drinking more tea!

 

Builders, eh? You could never fathom it.

How anything got done.

Yet, there were signs everywhere:

Danger! Builders at work.

I think the real danger was,

That they actually might!

 

© Val J Chapman 4th March 2021