Response to Painting
Interior in Standgarde : Sunlght on the Floor by Vilhelm Hammershoi
I sit at my desk, about to begin writing the letter that I know will affect my life. The sun streams in through the window but its warmth cannot touch me. My heart is cold and I know that what I am about to do is unforgivable. Yet it has to be, it is inevitable now, I cannot turn back, cannot do the right thing. So, I close my mind to the consequences of my actions, to all the hurt I am about to unleash on someone who deserves better, better than me, someone who can feel sympathy, not this empty vessel that I have become. Guilt is my permanent companion but this is my choice, my decision, my doing. I pick up the pen and begin to write.
Response to Painting “Six Tailors” by Lubaina Hamid
It was booked as a Creative Craft session, the first in the Rehabilitation Programme devised by the powers that be to make sure that all the government boxes were ticked and signed off.It was only open to those with a record of good behaviour or in reality those who were astute enough to give the illusion of being amenable, and ready to embrace change, of which I was one I was adept at subterfuge, knew the right noises to make, said all the right things, toed their line. Actually it was popular only because it afforded us an hour out of our cell, we had nothing to lose. We were resentful when we saw the task, we were completely unused to this activity This was not Man’s work! We expected to saw or hammer or use our strength, not this mindless waste of our strength or abilities. We were clumsy, useless, unable to follow simple instructions, could not cut out a simple shape or thread a needle, we were not made for delicate tasks.
We were hard, powerful men, now reduced to sheer incompetence, being unable even to thread a simple needle. I fail every time. I do not like it. My fingers itch. The scissors tempt me; they are sharp, lethal and well within my reach.
Response to Painting “The Jungle” by Wilfredo Lam.
The Faces stare at me. I try to look away but I am mesmerised, forced to watch.
They are mocking me, laughing, I cannot bear the raucous sound they are making, taunting and deriding me. I close my eyes but the imprint is etched on my brain, menacing, grimacing, contorted.
They move closer in unison, threatening, hostile, weapons clenched, waiting to be unleased on to my defenceless feeble body.
The outlines merge, become fused, a congealed mass of vicious intent.
I can no longer function, I am annihilated. Obliterated, reduced to nothing.
I close my mind and await the end.
©Kathleen Proctor 13th August 2021